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My Mistakes In Love

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Growing up I didn’t care about girls, like any typical kid. I found it weird seeing teenagers and adult running after girls, doing what they want them to do and even “sucking face” was the most disgusting thing I saw. Seeing my younger brothers I can say that pretty much all boys are this way.

The problem with me is that, it took me several years to get interested about girls. To be specific I got in to girls when I was about 16 – 17 years old, you can say I’m an overdue bloomer. I regret it, because I lost a lot of opportunities in love department because of it. When I think back to my life, which I do a lot recently, I know a lot of girls where interested in me back then.

The first one I can think back to is O (not her real name, DAA!). She was my neighbor when I was 6; also we went to the same school. I remember the first time she saw me, she said “you’re really handsome” and you can guess what I said “leave me alone…” I’m not saying that she LOVED me but maybe, just maybe if I took the initiative… who know what would’ve happened.

Forward to three year ago, there was this girl, K, that had feelings for me but she never told me. How do I know? Simple because of the looks she gave me, when our eyes met in a classroom and of course the way she talked to me. The problem was I wasn’t interested in her (idiot).

I started developing feelings for her when she transferred to another school. It all started when I had a dream about her. No it wasn’t sexual. In my dream we just spent the day together and I simply felt happy with her. Since this is the first time I had this sort of feelings, I decided to act on them. So I took all my courage in my fingers and started chatting with her on Facebook. I even told her, implicitly, about my feelings.

I think its big achievement for me.

You see I’m the type of person that doesn’t initiate, that means that I’m not the one who will ask somebody about their day, I wait for them to do it. But lately I decided to try to be more “gutsy”. And I can tell you if you’re in the same situation that it’s worth it to leave your comfort zone.

The other day I had a good time talking to what could be my best female friend about this subject. And we have, more or less the same opinion about it. To summaries the hour long conversation: Love isn’t about playing games, showing off you’re the best couple, fighting about nonsense or even depending on another person. It’s about finding someone you can have fun with and spend some quality time with. This is how two young adults think about love.

L’amoure, is a subject that I talked about before. But since I’m entering my 20’s it’s a theme that consumes most of my life. You know that the average male thinks about sex (which is pretty much love) 19 times a day. So I’m sure it will find it way back into this blog one way or the other.

My Secret Little Pleasure

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Time to confess a secret I’ve been trying to keep for a while. I like “Chick flicks”. I’m a man and I can say proudly that I like movies “dealing with love and romance and designed to appeal to a largely female target audience […] a chick-flick is a film designed to have an innate appeal to women, typically young women.” as my good friend Wikipedia describe them. I don’t know why, but it all started when I was feeling bored so I decided to watch “Bridesmaids”, which I will deny if you tell anybody.

Not so bad

Most men wouldn’t admit to like them, but inside we all love them. Laying down in my bed with a bowl of popcorn and my best friend, my laptop watching a movie that will make me feel something. It wouldn’t give me that adrenaline rush you get after watching movies like “300” or “Die hard”, it will only make you think about your feelings and your love life (if you have one).

Remembering when I was a kid, I would always say that “these movies are for women, a man should watch big action movies”. If I met that kid today I would tell him to give them a try, because there not that bad. Also at school, We all had that debate between Boys and girls about which movie is better, Action vs Romance

One of the many explanations that I have is that my environment influenced my choice of movies.  You see growing up my mother used to tell me “you’re my strong man” (those words that mothers typically say), maybe unconsciously I thought to be a man you had to do this or be that. Also seeing my father, who is a well built man, could have affected me.

Don’t get me weong, I’m not saying that a man should like a certain type of movies. Being a man is a really complex notion that could lead to a very long debate, all I’m just saying is that I like Chick flicks (also Romcoms).

chick flick trick

Message To Your Parents

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We aren’t like you, we don’t live in the same world. To them it’s really simple: “to have a descent life you need to go to school, get a degree and work your but off for the next 30 years”. This way of life doesn’t work in this age, I’ve developed a “theory” about this so bear with me:

I suppose that our parent’s (and their parent’s) had such excitement in their days that they want for us a more peaceful life. I don’t mean by excitement staying late partying or having some great adventures, I’m talking about wars (WWII, Vietnam, the cold war…) and economical depression. This is the main reason, in my modest opinion, that would make them pressure us to go for the nice life some would call it the “boring” life.

We all know how fast the world is, companies want fast and efficient employees. However if we look at some of history’s most successful men, you might notice that they have something in common: Muhammad, Jesus, Thomas Edison, Bill Gates, Princess Diana … they all didn’t go or dropped out of school but weren’t they successful.

Don’t get me wrong I believe you need an education but I don’t think that you need school to get it. So what I want to say is “dear parents, this is a new age with new opportunities and challenges that don’t necessarily require us to have degree”.

NB: Don’t go out saying “they dropped out, so should I”, the truth is that they had visions and ideas that changed the world. One thing you can take from them is the courage to follow your dreams (I know it’s kind of cheese, but so is most truths).

The sandwich that saved my life

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super chefs

It’s kind of weird story that you’ll normally see in sitcoms or comedy movies but it happened to me a couple of weeks ago.

A few days after New Year, My sister spent the day with me having some “brotherly time” when she decided to go see our grandmother. It was around 8pm and we decided to walk, our grandparents house is only 2 blocks from us. So we strolled down the street under the night stars admiring the little shops on our way.  

Fast-forward to me coming back home, I was feeling kind of hungry so I decided to go to my favorite sandwich shop. It’s a little place down an ally run by a really nice Lebanese family. I took my sandwich to go and grabbed a cab home. In the cab I had my headphones on and a sad song came on (it wasn’t really sad but it made think about my life, and we all know how deep that thought can go) it was One Republic – Counting Stars. I had my head to the window when I heard the driver talking “Why so sad champ? You gotta be happy life is short” it was kind of sweet of him. I decided to walk the rest of the way home.

Walking back I was thinking about what the cabby said, and how cheesy it was. When suddenly I dropped my sandwich, and at the exact moment that I reached down to get it a car came crashing in the street two feet in front of me, literally where I was supposed to take my next step. My hart was pounding, I looked to the driver then I Looked at the sandwich and I smiled. The driver wasn’t injured and his car wasn’t in a bad shape, he apologized and asked if I was okay.

I want back home thinking that life is really short and then I ate my hero, he tasted really good. 

Relationship ?

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I’ve always wondered what would be like being in a relationship. Seriously having someone with whom you can share anything and do everything. I find it a bit weird, don’t you?

All the movies I’ve watched (believe they are a lot) give a mixed message, from the love of your life to the crazy psycho. The sweet meet cue you have with a girl (or a guy). You start talking, you smile and slowly you enter the magical kingdom of Love. Where unicorns run freely in the wild and the sky is filled with a rainbow. What a great place. Those first months with that person that makes you crazy, WOW. You call them all the time; you talk about your feelings and all of that mushy stuff.

I always hear couples say to each other “when you’re not around I can’t breathe”. Seriously, you CAN’T BREATH. So when the two of you are apart you can’t inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. I find these kinds of, let say feelings stupid. I had a teacher who told me that if someone expresses his feelings to you, to see if they’re truffle: put your hand on theirs and ask them repeat. If he (or she) is dishonest they will make an excuse to remove their hand. I’ve yet to try this trick but feel free to use it and tell me how it goes.

I really get mad when I hear about other people’s relationship, I don’t know if it’s jealousy or something else but I just get mad. The other day at school I overheard some girls talking about how they are in ‘loove’, it got me pissed off for no reason.

ImageThe funny thing is I’ve had my heart broking without being in a relationship, wired. It happed because of  the phenomenon that we call ‘having a crush’. Isn’t it worse? We all had them if you care to admit it or not, on our teachers (good times), neighbors, parent’s friends… But the worst thing is having towards a friend. It sucks when you find your crush with someone else, and the funny thing you can’t say squat about it. It just sucks.

In conclusion I want to assure you that I don’t want to be in a relationship. But if someone wants to be in one with me, in that case I would be up for it 🙂

Who Am I?

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Who are you?
Who are you?

Should I show people who I really am? I’m afraid that if they see the crazy in me, they would run away. Aren’t we all crazy? And if not how do we define insanity. Am I crazy for not following the rules, to object to your opinion? My math teacher once told me that I was crazy for trying to solve a problem in my own way. Can I really show you who lies beneath this mask that you call a face.

Can you show people what you are? Under all those smiles and laughs. Do you even know who you are? When you talk about yourself, aren’t you talking about someone else, the person you want them to see you as.

I may be mistaking, you could be a center of big social group. You might be among a lot of friends with whom you share everything. But ask your self do they know the real you? I’m not talking about the things you have in common, but about your personality. Could you let them in on your life? If the answer is yes, believe me you don’t want to let them go. Those kinds of people are hard to find twice.

I never found that person. I don’t think that he or she exists. I’ve always shown people a facade of a funny guy. But they don’t know how messed-up I really am. The other day I was sitting in the cafeteria with a couple class mate, I was doing my ‘act’, when this girl said “you’re really pathetic…” This word echoed in my head over the week-end. Am I really pathetic?

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Every day is the same. Always alone. Sitting in front of my computer. watching movies, studying, eating and of course ______. This is pretty much my life when I’m not in school. it get so lonely that I’ve spent a day without saying a single word. Impressive.

Lately I’ve been watching a lot of “coming to age movie”. Those movies where the lonely kid in high school meet the pretty girl and they fall in love. Yeah great story but bad in reality. Who would take the time to look at me, to get to know me. I’m just that guy that they call when they need help with their homework.

I don’t really know why it’s like this. Growing up I didn’t have a best friend, or even a friend. There were some kids who played with me, that’s all. And know that i am ‘sort of an adult’ nothing has changed. I walk back from school alone, I go alone. Everywhere I am alone. It’s kind of depressing.

So to keep things short, I don’t really know what I am doing writing this. I just had the idea. So whatever…