Tonight is the night and it’s going to happen again and again. I’m having what I call “the up feeling”, you don’t know it. Well to keep it short it’s that surge of inspiration and motivation that makes you feel like you could do anything and overcome any difficulties the universe throws at your face. If my calculations are right I get it once a week, and it’s followed immediately by “the down feeling”. You guessed it right it’s the exact opposite of the first one. It’s just that feeling of boredom, discouragement and mostly depression that we love and value. But I fought throw to write this post that will be soon forgotten in this blogosphere.
Just a couple hours ago I was planning on studying much harder and getting ready to start my own business. Amazing ideas were flying in my head, I was gonna create this, invent that … I was just about to start my own t-shirt shop, WOW what an original idea. I was all hyped-up and excited about it. Last month i was trying to create a revolutionary app that will change the world, and of course make me rich. Believe me I spent hours studying about programming languages, servers, Java, Object-C…
I can honestly say that is my brain was a movie, I’d be blockbuster.
But soon later I was like “It sounds like a lot of works”. That urge was quickly silenced by sadness, thoughts of “what did I do with my life” and mostly hugger (I get really hungry after all this turmoil) . The roller coaster that is my feelings took a plunge into some dark waters.
What I want scientist to do is take my “up feeling” and synthesize to a drug. So whenever I’m feeling down I’d take a pill and up we go. Wait a minute, I think they already have that drug… its cocaine. Should i start using?
Every day is the same. Always alone. Sitting in front of my computer. watching movies, studying, eating and of course ______. This is pretty much my life when I’m not in school. it get so lonely that I’ve spent a day without saying a single word. Impressive.
Lately I’ve been watching a lot of “coming to age movie”. Those movies where the lonely kid in high school meet the pretty girl and they fall in love. Yeah great story but bad in reality. Who would take the time to look at me, to get to know me. I’m just that guy that they call when they need help with their homework.
I don’t really know why it’s like this. Growing up I didn’t have a best friend, or even a friend. There were some kids who played with me, that’s all. And know that i am ‘sort of an adult’ nothing has changed. I walk back from school alone, I go alone. Everywhere I am alone. It’s kind of depressing.
So to keep things short, I don’t really know what I am doing writing this. I just had the idea. So whatever…