I’ve always wondered what would be like being in a relationship. Seriously having someone with whom you can share anything and do everything. I find it a bit weird, don’t you?
All the movies I’ve watched (believe they are a lot) give a mixed message, from the love of your life to the crazy psycho. The sweet meet cue you have with a girl (or a guy). You start talking, you smile and slowly you enter the magical kingdom of Love. Where unicorns run freely in the wild and the sky is filled with a rainbow. What a great place. Those first months with that person that makes you crazy, WOW. You call them all the time; you talk about your feelings and all of that mushy stuff.
I always hear couples say to each other “when you’re not around I can’t breathe”. Seriously, you CAN’T BREATH. So when the two of you are apart you can’t inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. I find these kinds of, let say feelings stupid. I had a teacher who told me that if someone expresses his feelings to you, to see if they’re truffle: put your hand on theirs and ask them repeat. If he (or she) is dishonest they will make an excuse to remove their hand. I’ve yet to try this trick but feel free to use it and tell me how it goes.
I really get mad when I hear about other people’s relationship, I don’t know if it’s jealousy or something else but I just get mad. The other day at school I overheard some girls talking about how they are in ‘loove’, it got me pissed off for no reason.
The funny thing is I’ve had my heart broking without being in a relationship, wired. It happed because of the phenomenon that we call ‘having a crush’. Isn’t it worse? We all had them if you care to admit it or not, on our teachers (good times), neighbors, parent’s friends… But the worst thing is having towards a friend. It sucks when you find your crush with someone else, and the funny thing you can’t say squat about it. It just sucks.
In conclusion I want to assure you that I don’t want to be in a relationship. But if someone wants to be in one with me, in that case I would be up for it 🙂
Should I show people who I really am? I’m afraid that if they see the crazy in me, they would run away. Aren’t we all crazy? And if not how do we define insanity. Am I crazy for not following the rules, to object to your opinion? My math teacher once told me that I was crazy for trying to solve a problem in my own way. Can I really show you who lies beneath this mask that you call a face.
Can you show people what you are? Under all those smiles and laughs. Do you even know who you are? When you talk about yourself, aren’t you talking about someone else, the person you want them to see you as.
I may be mistaking, you could be a center of big social group. You might be among a lot of friends with whom you share everything. But ask your self do they know the real you? I’m not talking about the things you have in common, but about your personality. Could you let them in on your life? If the answer is yes, believe me you don’t want to let them go. Those kinds of people are hard to find twice.
I never found that person. I don’t think that he or she exists. I’ve always shown people a facade of a funny guy. But they don’t know how messed-up I really am. The other day I was sitting in the cafeteria with a couple class mate, I was doing my ‘act’, when this girl said “you’re really pathetic…” This word echoed in my head over the week-end. Am I really pathetic?
Every day is the same. Always alone. Sitting in front of my computer. watching movies, studying, eating and of course ______. This is pretty much my life when I’m not in school. it get so lonely that I’ve spent a day without saying a single word. Impressive.
Lately I’ve been watching a lot of “coming to age movie”. Those movies where the lonely kid in high school meet the pretty girl and they fall in love. Yeah great story but bad in reality. Who would take the time to look at me, to get to know me. I’m just that guy that they call when they need help with their homework.
I don’t really know why it’s like this. Growing up I didn’t have a best friend, or even a friend. There were some kids who played with me, that’s all. And know that i am ‘sort of an adult’ nothing has changed. I walk back from school alone, I go alone. Everywhere I am alone. It’s kind of depressing.
So to keep things short, I don’t really know what I am doing writing this. I just had the idea. So whatever…
About 9 years ago our neighborhood was terrorized by an escaped monkey. It was one of our neighbors that had it as pet, but the sneaky bastard found a way to escape (a regular Michael Scofield). So for a week or so the monkey, brook into houses, stole food and beat down some pets.
Let’s skip to when my sister and I came face to face with HIM. It was a regular Saturday morning; Dad went to meet some friends and mom left to buy some groceries. It was just me, my sister and our dog Bobbi. We were watching some Cartoon; I think it was samurai Jack, when we heard some noise coming from the back yard. We taught it was nothing, and then we heard something break.
Bobbi ran out and started barking, we flowed him. Arriving at the backdoor we saw the beast from hell, the demon monkey (I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but remember I was just 5 or 6 year old).
So we’ve done the same thing you would’ve done in our place, we RAN, to my bedroom. We closed the door, stood in a corner, hugged each other and started screaming for mom.
Meanwhile, Bobbi was fighting this intruder. He managed to scare him away. Then our brave savior came to the door to let us know everything was okay. But we were to scare to do it. We stayed there for an hour until our mother came back.
This was the day I faced danger… and ran away from it as any reasonable person would do.