Chasing fantasies
Lets talk about fantasies, its something everyone has and thinks about quite often, in my opinion. But what are they really? The question that I find myself asking quite a lot is: are fantasies thing that we should obtain in real life, or should they remain in the realm of the imagination?
Most times we seek to fulfill some fantasies that we believe are things we want or things that will make us feel good. Most times we find disappointment at the end of this journey, what we find is not measurable to the image. For some this can quite shocking and even depressing. For example, in your career you are seeking a promotion or a certain position but when you reach it you cant find that fulfilment or that good feeling you were hoping for. Lets take the world of academia, you get your first degree but its not enough so you for the second one and the third and so on. Well I can tell that these examples might not be sufficient to show the point I’m trying to make, so let me tell you a story that I think relates a bit to this topic. Recently, I started thinking about a certain girl and imagining different scenarios with here (since I have quite the vivid imagination), with time it turned in to bit of fantasy, meeting her and spending time with here. I think this is a good time to mention I’m not a stalker, I promise. This is someone I know and I’m friends with. As we know none but the brave deserve the fair, so I took the first step and started to talk and ended up meeting. Afterwards, it wasn’t as I imagined it would go it was a bit awkward to be honest and it was felt by both parties. My over active imagination gave me an expectation of reality that I trusted and when faced with reality I was disappointed and let down because I wanted it to be as I imagined, I bit naïve from my part but its the truth.
This specific experience pushed me to get on a train of thoughts about fantasies and imagination. Often when I have a thing I want whether it be a person I like, something I want to reach or achieve I spend a considerable amount of time imagining and fantasizing about the most miniscule detail of this “thing”. To a point that I created a different reality in my head, this is where the problem arise, you start to prefer your imagination more than reality. Not that you cant tell the difference, that would be a psychosis and I don’t think I’m crazy, but for the simple reason that in this imagined world there’s no disappointment things will work out as you want them to. Sure, this is a wired thing to say but I think most people (or at least those like me) have these ideas. The point I’m trying to reach is you should enjoy and relish in those fantasies, why not if the price to pay is a bit of disappointment that’s something I’m willing to pay. As the great philosophers once said “you can’t always get what you want” but you can at least imagine it.
The Race: White in North Africa, Part 5
I had the pleasure of participating in The Holistic Wayfarer’s (holisticwayfarer.com) race discussion. Such a delicate subject to handle but it was such a pleasure and I want to thank HW for her support and advice.
My Mistakes In Love
Growing up I didn’t care about girls, like any typical kid. I found it weird seeing teenagers and adult running after girls, doing what they want them to do and even “sucking face” was the most disgusting thing I saw. Seeing my younger brothers I can say that pretty much all boys are this way.
The problem with me is that, it took me several years to get interested about girls. To be specific I got in to girls when I was about 16 – 17 years old, you can say I’m an overdue bloomer. I regret it, because I lost a lot of opportunities in love department because of it. When I think back to my life, which I do a lot recently, I know a lot of girls where interested in me back then.
The first one I can think back to is O (not her real name, DAA!). She was my neighbor when I was 6; also we went to the same school. I remember the first time she saw me, she said “you’re really handsome” and you can guess what I said “leave me alone…” I’m not saying that she LOVED me but maybe, just maybe if I took the initiative… who know what would’ve happened.
Forward to three year ago, there was this girl, K, that had feelings for me but she never told me. How do I know? Simple because of the looks she gave me, when our eyes met in a classroom and of course the way she talked to me. The problem was I wasn’t interested in her (idiot).
I started developing feelings for her when she transferred to another school. It all started when I had a dream about her. No it wasn’t sexual. In my dream we just spent the day together and I simply felt happy with her. Since this is the first time I had this sort of feelings, I decided to act on them. So I took all my courage in my fingers and started chatting with her on Facebook. I even told her, implicitly, about my feelings.
I think its big achievement for me.
You see I’m the type of person that doesn’t initiate, that means that I’m not the one who will ask somebody about their day, I wait for them to do it. But lately I decided to try to be more “gutsy”. And I can tell you if you’re in the same situation that it’s worth it to leave your comfort zone.
The other day I had a good time talking to what could be my best female friend about this subject. And we have, more or less the same opinion about it. To summaries the hour long conversation: Love isn’t about playing games, showing off you’re the best couple, fighting about nonsense or even depending on another person. It’s about finding someone you can have fun with and spend some quality time with. This is how two young adults think about love.
L’amoure, is a subject that I talked about before. But since I’m entering my 20’s it’s a theme that consumes most of my life. You know that the average male thinks about sex (which is pretty much love) 19 times a day. So I’m sure it will find it way back into this blog one way or the other.
My Secret Little Pleasure
Time to confess a secret I’ve been trying to keep for a while. I like “Chick flicks”. I’m a man and I can say proudly that I like movies “dealing with love and romance and designed to appeal to a largely female target audience […] a chick-flick is a film designed to have an innate appeal to women, typically young women.” as my good friend Wikipedia describe them. I don’t know why, but it all started when I was feeling bored so I decided to watch “Bridesmaids”, which I will deny if you tell anybody.
Most men wouldn’t admit to like them, but inside we all love them. Laying down in my bed with a bowl of popcorn and my best friend, my laptop watching a movie that will make me feel something. It wouldn’t give me that adrenaline rush you get after watching movies like “300” or “Die hard”, it will only make you think about your feelings and your love life (if you have one).
Remembering when I was a kid, I would always say that “these movies are for women, a man should watch big action movies”. If I met that kid today I would tell him to give them a try, because there not that bad. Also at school, We all had that debate between Boys and girls about which movie is better, Action vs Romance
One of the many explanations that I have is that my environment influenced my choice of movies. You see growing up my mother used to tell me “you’re my strong man” (those words that mothers typically say), maybe unconsciously I thought to be a man you had to do this or be that. Also seeing my father, who is a well built man, could have affected me.
Don’t get me weong, I’m not saying that a man should like a certain type of movies. Being a man is a really complex notion that could lead to a very long debate, all I’m just saying is that I like Chick flicks (also Romcoms).
A Rollercoaster Of Feelings
Tonight is the night and it’s going to happen again and again. I’m having what I call “the up feeling”, you don’t know it. Well to keep it short it’s that surge of inspiration and motivation that makes you feel like you could do anything and overcome any difficulties the universe throws at your face. If my calculations are right I get it once a week, and it’s followed immediately by “the down feeling”. You guessed it right it’s the exact opposite of the first one. It’s just that feeling of boredom, discouragement and mostly depression that we love and value. But I fought throw to write this post that will be soon forgotten in this blogosphere.
Just a couple hours ago I was planning on studying much harder and getting ready to start my own business. Amazing ideas were flying in my head, I was gonna create this, invent that … I was just about to start my own t-shirt shop, WOW what an original idea. I was all hyped-up and excited about it. Last month i was trying to create a revolutionary app that will change the world, and of course make me rich. Believe me I spent hours studying about programming languages, servers, Java, Object-C…
I can honestly say that is my brain was a movie, I’d be blockbuster.
But soon later I was like “It sounds like a lot of works”. That urge was quickly silenced by sadness, thoughts of “what did I do with my life” and mostly hugger (I get really hungry after all this turmoil) . The roller coaster that is my feelings took a plunge into some dark waters.
What I want scientist to do is take my “up feeling” and synthesize to a drug. So whenever I’m feeling down I’d take a pill and up we go. Wait a minute, I think they already have that drug… its cocaine. Should i start using?
Simpel Me 